Now that I'm going into remission and am recovering from this illness (sorry, not cured), I'm making more friends. Friendships are certainly important to the quality of my life. As I sit here a little after midnight I'm missing a new friend of mine. She is away visiting family, and I'm unsure if and when she will return.

She is, of course, the friend that I wrote about in the previous entry titled "Someone I Admire." It feels weird to actually miss someone. I haven't had that feeling for quite some time. I suppose I was too sick in the past to even notice feelings like that—all I could ever feel was fear.

There are five hours that need to pass before I can go to Starbucks. I was thinking of spending some of that time sleeping (wouldn't that be a novel idea....to sleep at night), but I hate quiting on the day. In the past, I was so afraid of assassins that I only slept when I was so tired I passed out, and I grew used to only sleeping when I was extremely exhausted.

Maybe my new friend will call me tomorrow. There is much for me to do with my book sales (the online ordering is now working!), so I will try to distract myself with work. And if I remember to take my meds, maybe I will actually have enough drive to get a bunch of stuff done.

I'm listening to a mix CD of love songs I downloaded a couple of weeks ago, and I'm laughing at how geeky I really am. You see, I really like sappy love songs, but I only really listen to them when I'm by myself. I don't drive in the car too much, but when I do, I always listen to heavy metal and even hip-hop to feel cool. But at night by myself, I prefer the love songs. They always bring back fond memories of the relationships I used to have with women, and they bring dreams of what might come someday. But most of all, it is an escape from the ugliness that is common to this world to a place of beauty, goodness, and joy—and to a place that has no pain.