The stigma of mental illness is the branding of shame or disgrace that goes along with the illness. A better name might be prejudice. The most effective way to reduce the stigma of a mental illness is for normal people to have personal contact with the mentally ill. Stigma is a real issue, one I have been up against many times. It is especially pronounced in the reactions I get in trying to date. Despite the serious and real nature of stigma, I’m finding that I’m having an even larger problem when interacting with normal people. The problem is not with stigma, not with their prejudice; the problem is with me.

         I have come to realize that the symptoms of my illness and the associated disability are causing the undesirable outcomes I have in interacting with normal people. It is difficult for anyone to make friends, I realize that, but due to my illness I am slightly awkward in my interactions with people. People are selective with whom they choose to spend time, and my illness causes me to be socially awkward enough that it tips the scales against the formation of new friendships. The same effect is at play in romantic relationships, but for me and many with mental illness, there is an even larger, hindering factor. That factor is the lack of a steady income.

        Ignoring other obvious factors that prevent relationships, e.g. my morbid obesity, I find that women are not attracted to men who have no source of income. This is not necessarily conscious, but it is at the root of many of my problems in dating. Women know there is no future with chronically disabled men, as they cannot help provide for a family and are more likely to be a financial burden than anything else. This knowledge translates into unconscious attraction patterns that preclude me from consideration, as I haven’t a steady source of income.

        While I would like to be able to say this is appalling and egregious, I completely understand such a thought process; there are real needs in life; the women are not to blame. I have a lot to offer a woman. I do. And still I wouldn’t date me if I were a woman. There is more to a relationship than romantic infatuation, and I can’t meet a woman’s needs – at least not right now. I’m continually making career efforts in hopes that someday I will be financially stable enough to be considered for a relationship and judged on other factors.

         In the meantime I must battle my loneliness at every turn. And at the moment, it is a battle that I’m losing.